Looking back

[Ace]

When I started EMS I was so excited I ran down to the firehouse to show everyone my license with in what seemed seconds we had a call for cardiac arrest.
The gentleman did not make it. And the next 12 calls over the next 6 months also died, I felt I was the Angel of death. Looking back why did I continue…..
years later one save one thank you.
20 years and still going 

[Dean Harris]

Wow, that must of been really depressing. I know I would find it depressing

Hell, my first victim I froze up and waited for other help to arrive.

Now I am getting better at it than I use to be.

[Dale]

Hi,

Wow! I thought I was unlucky! I did 4 straight over 3 months my first year. But that's not in your league. I'm glad that you stayed with it. And I'll bet your 13th patient was too!

dalee

[Paul Bond]

I can still remember when I started as a medic. I felt the same way. But after about a year, it seemed to pass. Then, as I saw other new medics start, they had the same black cloud for a while. It's almost like it's a right of passage to be the "Code King (or Queen)" for a while. Then, once the EMS gods are sufficiently satisfied that they've played with you long enough, they let up.

[Rob]

I went on a single vehicle rollover with ejection. The patient was rolled over by his pickup after ejection. There was just me and a driver (we're a volunteer department) so we scooped him up and ran. I was in the back trying to convince myself to manage the airway when there were so many other things that needed attention. I managed to get a combi-tube in place, had my cell phone on speaker phone calling the ER, had gauze on his temple which I was holding with my knee to stop his temporal artery which was spurting all over the place. And ignoring everything else because it was all I could do. I was certain I was hauling an organ donor. After that call, I was exhausted and was wondering to myself why I do this. I found myself less available to respond following the event. A couple weeks later there was a 1/8 page ad in the newspaper from his parents, he was going to recover and they were thanking everybody involoved and specifically named me. I thought to myself, that's not why I do it, but when you're feeling a little down, it can't hurt. Consequently, I'm responding a lot more again.